I’ve decided to go on a quest. Well, to be honest, life has decided that for me. Really, it’s not even one quest; it’s several all wrapped up into one: the quest to being the wife God longs for me to be, the mom that I always imagined I would be, the quest to mark off more items than not on my ’40 by 40′ bucket list. Quest after quest but the most important one, the one that drives all the others is the quest to find myself.
Tonight I met with my psychologist. We have had many amazing, enlightening conversations. She really hit the nail on the head when she noted that I really don’t know myself. After a moment of thought, I realized she’s right. I’ve spent so much time fretting about this and that, making sure everyone and everything around me is tended to that I’ve forgotten to tend to myself. My first quest, although overlapping others along the way, will be to dig deep and find myself.
Here’s the thing, I do know some of myself.
I’m a wife, for 10 years. I’m blessed to have found my other, better half. We’ve had our rougher patches but have always worked through them, together, knowing we would be better off for it.
I’m a mom. God has blessed me with four beautiful children, each uniquely their own person.
I’m a daughter. My Father lives 10 minutes up the road from me and we seldom see each other. My Mother passed away from breast cancer; July 20, 2014
I’m a friend, a volunteer, a neighbor, dreamer, a planner, organizer and tidy-er. I’m goal driven and prefer a full calendar. I’m tough on the outside and soft on the inside. I hide my emotions as best as I can because anything else seems weak to me. I’m my own worst critic, I always expect more of myself and can’t seem to understand why I always seem to fall short of my ideals.
Only time will tell where this quest will take me. I have some ideas of where I’d like to end up; but I know that where the road leads, I’ll follow and work through the rough times, the difficulties that I’m sure will arise and that in the end, it will all work out for the best.